When Christmas isn’t merry anymore…
I’ve always loved everything about Christmas. The emphasis on the birth of Jesus, giving carefully chosen and wrapped gifts, extra family time, sparkly lights, decorations everywhere, and festive foods. I love planning parties, decorating the house from top-to-bottom, and I normally start shopping in September.
However, this year…
I’m tired.
I’m weary.
I’m sad.
I’m physically unwell.
I’m grieving.
I’m weak.
I’m disinterested.
I’m not finished shopping for presents, my house is disorderly from me being sick, I’ve missed so many gatherings, I’m beyond exhausted, and I feel completely lacking as a wife and mother.
Yet, I’m hopeful. ❤️
I know that no matter what I go through, He’s here with me. I’m never alone – even when I feel alone.
When the lights go out, the people leave, and everyone is asleep, I sit in the stillness with only the lights of the tree shining on me. I take the time to thank Him for what He has done, but I implore Him for strength as I pour out what I don’t understand about this crazy life: my frustrations, questions, emptiness of loss…among many other emotions.
And…
He listens.
He understands.
He comforts.
He loves.
He stays.
He wipes my tears.
Only Jesus can fully bear the burdens of my life.
Only Jesus can heal my broken heart.
Only Jesus can know my true motives when I cry angry tears to Him.
Only Jesus can bind my wounds.
Only Jesus can give me any measure of joy.
Only Jesus can help me truly be “merry” in the midst of the mess. Or not be merry.
Only Jesus can help me be okay with not having it all together.
Because He can handle it all.
He gave me my joy, and He can carry my pain.
He sits with me in my mess and loves me anyway.
There is *no one* else who can or will do that for me. ❤️
That’s my Jesus.
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.(Psalm 147:3-5)
December 20, 2019
I praise God, who sits with us when we are at our lowest. You are loved Stephanie. I pray that Jesus wraps his love and comfort around you, And gives you joy throughout this season.
I’m praying that your new year brings a much needed change. Our God is a way maker. ❤️❤️
December 20, 2019
Thank you, Stephanie, for bearing your heart. This culture demands a lot from us wives and mothers… and we expect way too much of ourselves! I sprained my ankle and it’s interesting to see others pick up the ball and roll with it! It’s great to spend silent hours praying for needs worldwide… a strange way to get ready for Christmas! It’s been good for me.
Love from Carleen Newton